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Anxiety Series: Invisible Audience...

My Husband would invite me to go out and eat dinner, and I would say no you go order the food and we can take-out. He always thought I was embarrassed of him, until one day I told him, "I don't like going to eat because I feel like everyone is looking at me." This is honestly the lamest shit I could ever think.  One day while sitting in a lecture-class, the professor spoke about the "Invisible Audience."  She said that people who have severe anxiety issues usually avoid social interaction because they feel that they are constantly being judged by others. The reason behind this can vary from person, to person. One day, I started working on my anxiety over the going to dine at restaurants. I began by ordering what I wanted, and then eating my food as if I were at home, and not bothered by others. This was actually not that hard to do because I just kept thinking that nobody cared about what I was eating, or doing.  As time went by, I tried to push myself a li

Save money on food at Knott's Berry Farm!

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We are a family of five, and throughout the years, we have figured out the best ways to save on dining throughout California's most revered theme parks.  Honestly, I don't have time to prepare pre-made food, get three kids ready, hopefully wipe on some makeup for myself and go visit any theme park. What I have found is the most useful, is to budget my spending to ensure that we can eat a great meal while visiting Knott's Berry Farm.  Mrs. Knott's Chicken To Go offers fried chicken meals for an exceptionally affordable price. My children are picky eaters, but they enjoy eating the food from here because it is very delicious. My kids will always ask for second servings as well! If you have a Knott's pass, this will allow you to receive discounts at this location. Because the food from this establishment is "To Go," you can take it inside the parks and enjoy your food at your own convenience. There is also a designated picnic area located outside of t

Anxiety is a real bitch...

(Sorry for the informal grammar.) When I had my second child, I experienced extreme depression. This wasn't the depression you usually hear about which the person is crying hysterically or sleeping all day. My depression made me zombie-like. I wouldn't sleep, I would overeat, and I was drinking. The worst part of it all was that I was afraid to talk to people. I shut everyone out. I thought that everyone was against me, and I pushed people away using anger and hurtful words.  Being depressed is like carrying a bag of moldy cheese with you at ALL times; You don't want to walk around smelling like that crappy cheese, but you can't help it. Then, everyone in your inner circle has a way to "help" you overcome the sadness, but it usually makes things worse. I began pushing my Husband away, and he never complained or told me to cut it out. He never has had a single bout of depression or anxiety, but he understood that I was going through something serious. I'

It's never too late to go back to school, my ode to Rio.

When I turned 30 years old, I was asked, "Zule, what have you accomplished so far? Are you content with yourself living as you have been for the further of ten more years?" I was unable to answer that question. By the time I was thirty, I had three young children, a loving Husband, and a beautiful home. The week after that, I enrolled in adult school to complete my High School Diploma. At the end of my courses, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had completed the course materials, and was set to graduate that summer. During one of the classes I was taking, there was a guest speaker. She was meant to inspire young high school drop outs to go to college. She was a speaker from Rio Hondo Community College. This lady changed my life.  She told us that anyone can go to college, it is not meant for any specific age, and it was meant to help you figure out your skills, and prepare you for a meaningful career. She continued on, and told us that she as a mother of four y

La Galleta Y El Chile (A Mother/Wife/Student Rant)

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La Galleta, Y El Chile How do you vent your frustrations? Do you have a go to person that always answers your texts, or phone calls? I don't usually. If I happen to pass by my go to co-worker, I am able to get some quick thoughts (positive, and negative) out of the way. A couple of days ago, while sitting in the car alone after my lab class, I came up with a new way of releasing tension: La Galleta, Y El Chile. I thought instead of waiting for someone to make themselves available to talk to me, I would write down one good thing or positive quote, (galleta) and one negative thing that I need to say out loud to just release it (chile). Would that help you feel better? I know it would make me feel better, like letting some steam off, or losing the weight off your shoulders. Ultimately, since the week I have been practicing La Galleta Y El Chile, I have felt much, much better. There are things that I could not tell my husband, things I disliked about him. There are things

Where has the time gone?

I used to want to be grown up, now I know what I wished for was too much to ask for. I just turned twenty-eight years old, have two kids and one on the way. Im not saying that i dont like my life, i am simply stating that the time has gone by too fast. Ten years ago I graduated high school, and had high expectations of myself. Now the only future i have is within my children. I should be excited to be pregnant, and i think i should have the overjoying feeling that i am going to have another son, but i am so stressed that all i feel is numb. Nothing in my life besides my kids feels right to me. I wish i could have that feeling of no worries on my mind. Not even the meditations are working for me anymore. What should i do? Hopefully God answers my prayer soon, I am lost.

Troubled....

Typing on my iPad, is a actually very hard to do. is life supposed to be ying\yang? I mean are we supposed to go through good times, great times, then bad times, and horrible times? Fuck, I am so trying to make sense right now. Last year I had one of the GREATEST years of my whole entire life. This year (2011) has been literally one (one) of the worst I have had so far. I am trying (have been trying) to maintain a positive attitude, but I have been failing miserably. I shut people out of my life so much in these recent years, that now that I need someone to come visit me, or need me no one gives a flying fuck. Is this what is left? I have been pondering, if this how my life is going to be? I really hate everything (including myself) at the moment. Nothing seems to be right. Why. Wasn't having a horrible childhood sufficient? Need I fail at my Adult life as well? Looks like I'm at the end of the line. For the record, I'm not suicidal, I am troubled. I wish I could get a tatt