Anxiety is a real bitch...
(Sorry for the informal grammar.)
When I had my second child, I experienced extreme depression. This wasn't the depression you usually hear about which the person is crying hysterically or sleeping all day. My depression made me zombie-like. I wouldn't sleep, I would overeat, and I was drinking. The worst part of it all was that I was afraid to talk to people. I shut everyone out. I thought that everyone was against me, and I pushed people away using anger and hurtful words.
Being depressed is like carrying a bag of moldy cheese with you at ALL times; You don't want to walk around smelling like that crappy cheese, but you can't help it. Then, everyone in your inner circle has a way to "help" you overcome the sadness, but it usually makes things worse. I began pushing my Husband away, and he never complained or told me to cut it out. He never has had a single bout of depression or anxiety, but he understood that I was going through something serious. I've told him countless times, that I am thankful to have him in my life, and that I will never forget what he did to help me overcome depression.
As the years went by, I came to realize that the only way I was going to come out of the dark abyss was to get myself out of it. This was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Depression is the thousand pound weight you are dragging, and although everyone notices it, they can't help you break free of the chains. The way that I overcame those deep emotions is by keeping myself busy. The hardest part was agreeing to join social events, and sign myself up for workshops that would keep me busy at my children's school. The next step I decided to do was to sign my children up for youth Soccer. This was the hardest thing for me to do, because I knew it was going to take me some time before I was comfortable enough to talk to the other parents while the kids played soccer games every Saturday. At first, I sat in the corner under my own umbrella, and kept to myself. As the years went by (the change did not happen overnight), I was able to become more social, and build meaningful relationships with others outside of my inner circle. This was extremely difficult for me to do, because of the trust issues I had. For some reason, I always thought that people had ill-intentions towards me. I could not ever figure out where those thoughts and emotions were coming from, but slowly I tried to overcome it. Working on being more social takes a lot of courage, it is something that i had with all of my anxiety had to work hard on overcoming to the point where i would run into the restroom crying, compose myself, and return while trying to save face.
I have learned that only those who have experienced this type of anxiety, or is very close to someone that has anxiety would understand. It is not my intention to have a bias against those who do not suffer from anxiety, but at this point in this blog, I have not began to even speak of the worst part of anxiety which for me was the worst part; anxiety/panic attacks.
There are many things that helped me overcome some of the worst symptoms of anxiety, so i cannot attribute just one thing to aiding me. One of the very first things i tried in 2007, was watching Guided Meditation videos on YouTube. I would watch guided meditation videos religiously every night, and although I wasn't getting much sleep at first, I began practicing meditation as a hobby and that helped me learn ways to fall asleep. Eventually, I began falling asleep without them, but this is ten years later and sometimes when I still struggle I watch the videos to help me.
In writing these blogs, I hope that I can reflect on the feelings that I have, and sometimes when I feel anxious, I can use Blogs as an outlet for relief of those anxious feelings I sometimes get. ❤❤
When I had my second child, I experienced extreme depression. This wasn't the depression you usually hear about which the person is crying hysterically or sleeping all day. My depression made me zombie-like. I wouldn't sleep, I would overeat, and I was drinking. The worst part of it all was that I was afraid to talk to people. I shut everyone out. I thought that everyone was against me, and I pushed people away using anger and hurtful words.
Being depressed is like carrying a bag of moldy cheese with you at ALL times; You don't want to walk around smelling like that crappy cheese, but you can't help it. Then, everyone in your inner circle has a way to "help" you overcome the sadness, but it usually makes things worse. I began pushing my Husband away, and he never complained or told me to cut it out. He never has had a single bout of depression or anxiety, but he understood that I was going through something serious. I've told him countless times, that I am thankful to have him in my life, and that I will never forget what he did to help me overcome depression.
As the years went by, I came to realize that the only way I was going to come out of the dark abyss was to get myself out of it. This was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Depression is the thousand pound weight you are dragging, and although everyone notices it, they can't help you break free of the chains. The way that I overcame those deep emotions is by keeping myself busy. The hardest part was agreeing to join social events, and sign myself up for workshops that would keep me busy at my children's school. The next step I decided to do was to sign my children up for youth Soccer. This was the hardest thing for me to do, because I knew it was going to take me some time before I was comfortable enough to talk to the other parents while the kids played soccer games every Saturday. At first, I sat in the corner under my own umbrella, and kept to myself. As the years went by (the change did not happen overnight), I was able to become more social, and build meaningful relationships with others outside of my inner circle. This was extremely difficult for me to do, because of the trust issues I had. For some reason, I always thought that people had ill-intentions towards me. I could not ever figure out where those thoughts and emotions were coming from, but slowly I tried to overcome it. Working on being more social takes a lot of courage, it is something that i had with all of my anxiety had to work hard on overcoming to the point where i would run into the restroom crying, compose myself, and return while trying to save face.
I have learned that only those who have experienced this type of anxiety, or is very close to someone that has anxiety would understand. It is not my intention to have a bias against those who do not suffer from anxiety, but at this point in this blog, I have not began to even speak of the worst part of anxiety which for me was the worst part; anxiety/panic attacks.
There are many things that helped me overcome some of the worst symptoms of anxiety, so i cannot attribute just one thing to aiding me. One of the very first things i tried in 2007, was watching Guided Meditation videos on YouTube. I would watch guided meditation videos religiously every night, and although I wasn't getting much sleep at first, I began practicing meditation as a hobby and that helped me learn ways to fall asleep. Eventually, I began falling asleep without them, but this is ten years later and sometimes when I still struggle I watch the videos to help me.
In writing these blogs, I hope that I can reflect on the feelings that I have, and sometimes when I feel anxious, I can use Blogs as an outlet for relief of those anxious feelings I sometimes get. ❤❤
Comments
Post a Comment